CONFESSION TIME: My answer is yes.
And if you would ever ask me if I have loved him, my answer would be yes.
Yes. Yes, I loved the way he laughed. The way he looked at me while I'm licking the spoon of my yoghurt after my lunchbreak. The way he grabbed me in the kitchen and kissed me in a way I would never forget.
I loved the way he was swatting flies in his jeep. The way he made me laugh. The way he made me forget that a corncob is no microphone when dirty dancing is one the radio, the way he kissed me every time I looked up to him during the movie. The way he talked about me, the way he brought me sweaters because he knew I would be cold, the way he picked me flowers, the way he told me I'm beautiful inside and out. The way he still says I'm wonderful.
She looked at me, surprised, shocked, overwhelmed. So when did you know, she asked.
I always kind of knew. I knew when he laid his head on my shoulder. I knew when he chased me down the street, when he caught me, when he made me laugh harder than I thought I ever would.
I knew it when I was driving home. He was asleep, my shotgun rider like Tim McGraw's Song blasting from the radio. I was cuddled in his sweater, my foot on the gas, the jeep on his run through dirt roads, always straight. Always straight. I was singing, it was a good night. I looked down at him and it hit me. It scared the hell out of me. But it was there. My answer was yes. Yes, I don't want any other shotgun rider like in this stupid song. Yes I loved him. Yes I loved this stupid drunk almost funny man with the big ears and the hairy chest. I loved every single piece of him and would've not wanted it any other way.
And if you ask me more questions, my answer is gonna be yes. It's hell yes. Was I terrified and scared and didn't know what to do? Yes. Was everything true? Yes. Was my heart in it? Yes. Was it stupid and unreasonable? Oh, yes. Should I stop talking about him, thinking about him, writing about him? Yes. Will he be the one that I'll never understand, the one that got away, the one that I can't have?