confession london


She said, he taught her how to laugh, to love unconditionally and how to get up when you fall. She said he taught her how to take naps in her lunch break and how to be the most loyal person she knew. She said she wants her husband one day to be such a great dad as hers was.

And while I think what to write in my fathers day card, I want to write the same things. I want to tell him, how much I love him. I want to tell him how much I looked up to him when I was six years old and he was my hero. How much I enjoyed dancing through the living room when he played the piano. I want to tell him that I want to be just like him.

I don't want to write that he took my world apart ten years later. I don't want to write that he made me lose faith in love and marriage. That he taught me that the word family doesn't mean anything but that we share blood. That he taught me that when everything goes wrong the only person I can trust and rely on is myself.
He taught me how much you disappoint people when you lie and cheat and how much it hurts when your heart breaks. How much it hurts when someone walks away who you loved more than your own life. How hard is it to hold your crying mom in your arms and comfort her, while all you want to do is cry yourself.

He's the reason why I'm stronger today. The reason why I smile big, every time I see a dad holding his daughter. Why I want to be a better person. He's the reason why I want to love my children one day, unconditionally, no matter what their passion is or which way they will go. Why I want to be genuine, honest and loyal. Why I want to be all those things he's not.

And my fathers day card stays empty. Because I realize, need more than one.
I'll need one for my teacher when I was 18, who taught me how to drive. Who believed in me when I didn't know how to believe in myself and who promised me he would come to my wedding one day. I need one for my mentor who taught me that love is always more important than money. Who taught to trust my instincts and to chose the path that makes me happy, not the easy one. To travel the world and see all its wonders with my own eyes.
And I'll need one for my trainer who not only taught me to make my bed every morning and thank the lord for every meal, but that we need to be as honest as the horses that we ride, as heartwarming as the summer sun and as tough as the wind over the open plains. That we need to strive every day to be as good and kind and loving as we can be. That a good marriage won't come easy but that it's worth it. And that, if you work hard, be grateful and share a laugh with your loved ones, life can be truly wonderful.
And that's all I ever needed to learn.
20.6.16 03:45

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