confession london

Confession time: we lived on borrowed time.

he told me he would change my name. He laughed. In his book, he said, in his story. He would change my name.

I never said that. That I would change his name, because I wouldn't. I would always remember him as the guy with one of my favorite names. As the guy whose name sounded like I wanted to hear it again one day. One of those names that I will never forget.

he looked at me with his deep blue eyes. Joked around, his fingers slipping through my blonde hair. He said once that he had missed me. He never said that he's happy that I'm here. Or that he's gonna miss me when I'm gone. He never had to.

We live on borrowed time. People like me, no home but too many stories. Everywhere I go becomes my home, whoever I meet becomes my crowd and the guy who's just perfect right now becomes the one that I wanna wake up next to the next morning.

He always knew that. He always knew I'm not gonna stay and he didn't ask. He never had to.
He always knew I was weird. And a bit crazy. A mess. and that one day, I would leave.

We borrowed some hours, some days. It felt like a vacation in our own world. We closed the door to Reality and kept it closed for as long as we could. We ignored the hours and minutes slipping away, running like sand through our fingers. We ignored that it's not forever and we never said so. We borrowed just a few perfect days. Days spent kissing and cuddling, talking and touching, dancing and laughing. Days that we owned and that nobody could take from us. Ever.

And we never said goodbye. We kissed and I left. Ran into the crowd and didn't look back. let the bright lights of the city lead my path and the everyday noise cover his voice.

No, I wouldn't change his name. Not in this story, not even in my thoughts. I wouldn't change one detail of those borrowed days. I wouldn't change how his lips tasted on mine or how I fell asleep to his heartbeat at night. I wouldn't change how I secretly wished that I could borrow more. More days, more time. Maybe borrow him completely to take him with me on this crazy journey that I call my own. Just for a bit. Just for a bit longer.

i watched the waves roll by, one by one, peacefully touching the dark sand, just to go back where they came from, the mysterious midnight black ocean. It must have been 3am, maybe 4. I've lost track of time a while ago. It was this time where feelings move your tongue and purest honesty is the key. He looked up to me. Smiled. We could fight tigers together, I heared him say, while my eyes followed the rhythm of the waves. We could. We could do so many things when the night is long and the thoughts full of love. So many.
I didn't know if I would ever see him again. We lived on borrowed time. Just some borrowed time.
28.12.14 06:57

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