confession london

CONFESSION TIME: I want to be the girl who always smiled even when her heart was broken.

And she didn't know what to write. What to say, which music to put on. What to do to describe how she felt.

She wanted you to know, desperately. She said that it was more than heartbreak. More than some shattered pieces on the floor. More than that ache in a special place that we've all felt at least once.
She said it was deeper. It wasn't guided by anger and she wasn't mad. She tried to smile while she spoke in clear words, tears running down her cheek. While she said, that it was different. It wasn't about big promises and a fast heartbeat and love at first sight.

It was the way she looked up into the deep blue sky, while she continued. And said that she would've changed her life for him. That she would've moved to the end of the world for him. And we all knew that she's been in love before and that she will fall again.
But it was the first time for her to admit that she would've done whatever was necessary to keep him. That she didn't only wanted to be a good girlfriend, she wanted to be better for him. She wanted to grow. She didn't only wanted him to want her and treat her well but she was ready to jump in with the same effort. She didn't need to be flattered. She was ready to flatter him.

And she wasn't sure if she would be okay, fine in a few hours, done crying and ready to move on. Or if she would break down, a victim of feelings she couldn't describe, no lyrics seemed to fit, no words seemed to be right.
And even though he betrayed her, lied to her and left her in the worst possible way, she still couldn't stop smiling when she thought of him. The way he joked and touched her. And even though she never wanted to see him again in her entire life, she wanted him to be happy. She told him. She never wanted him to feel in the way she did.
A way she couldn't put into words.
29.5.15 17:37

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